The Awful Grace of God Revisited

He who learns must suffer. And even in our sleep pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God. ~ Aeschylus

Several months ago I posted, somewhere on my blog, this quote by Aeschylus, who was an ancient Greek playwright often recognized as the father of tragedy. I’ve been thinking a lot about suffering lately. It started with a good wallow in my own grief over my recent miscarriages, which soon led to an examination of the suffering of others. I didn’t seek out the stories of the challenges and pain in the lives of the people around me. The stories found me. Stories of the untimely deaths of babies, and husbands and adult children. Stories of lost dreams, lost parents, lost fertility and lost opportunities. Sad stories, indeed. But the people telling them weren’t sad people. On the contrary. The people I’ve been talking to are happy, hopeful people – people aware of the blessings in their lives, people who know God’s grace when it kicks them in the stomach. We don’t usually think of suffering as a gift, do we? Pain as grace is an awfully strange idea. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t true.

I just finished reading a book called A Faith For Grown-Ups by Robert Lockwood. In it he quotes The Teaching of Christ, pages 328-329: “Every kind of gift by which God moves us toward knowing Him and sharing His life is grace. Devoted parents, faithful friends, good books, great music – indeed anything at all may be used by God to lead toward life.” Anything that moves us closer to God is grace. Anything. So we’re not just talking about the stuff that brings us happiness and joy – although grace can be, and certainly is, found in those things. It just seems that, for many people, suffering accomplishes a task at which joy often fails. Yes, in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God. And the best thing about wisdom is that it increases our chances of attaining holiness. Perhaps that is why those friends of mine – the ones who had such sad tales to tell – seem to be so happy and hopeful, so grateful and content. Perhaps it’s why I’m able to thank God for taking my little ones to be with Him so soon. In our own despair, against our will we’ve been set on the right path – and we know it. We’ve all been given the opportunity for sanctity through the awful grace of God.