A Word to the Wise

If you spend enough time under a tree where birds roost, you will eventually be pooped on. If you hold a child with a stomach virus long enough, you will eventually be barfed on. If you stay in a relationship with an emotionally unstable person long enough, you will eventually be “crazied” on.  And I can tell you from experience that being pooped or barfed on is infinitely better than being crazied on.  You can wash those things off, you see.  It’s not so simple when you’ve been crazied on.  Nope, you can’t wash off crazy. It’s got to wear off, and that takes time.  I can also tell you (again, from experience) that the amount of poop, barf, and craziness we’re exposed to is directly related to the choices we make. So, move out from under that tree, put a towel between yourself and your sick baby and, for goodness sake, stay away from the nut cases!! 

Sorry for the rant, my friends.  I’m doing a little housekeeping (deleting e-mail, destroying cards and letters, gathering things to return to their owner, etc…) and it’s making me think about my recent close encounter of the crazy kind.  I guess I just needed to vent a little.   Ahem…okay, I’m feeling much better now. 

Things That Make Me Smile

Baking bread
Hot coffee on a cool morning
Dear friends
New babies
Sharing stories of my childhood with my children
Comments on my blog
Blessings in disguise
Children singing
Sleeping toddlers
Holding hands
Laughter
Being 40 something
Late night walks
Comfy pajamas
Love all around me

Ta Da!!

Our first loaves of bread! Aren’t they pretty?

Since the day we made these loaves, we’ve made another batch of the same kind of bread (which turned out even better), cinnamon rolls, and baguettes. All very good, I must say. Today we’re going to make some sourdough starter, so it shouldn’t be long before we have some nice loaves of sourdough bread. Until then, I think we’ll make another tray of cinnamon rolls, some more baguettes, and maybe try some dill bread. Mmmm…good!

This is the Way We Bake the Bread

Lily, Mamie and I baked bread last week. Lily didn’t want to use the bread machine for any part of the process, so we did it all the old fashioned way. So much fun! And the bread was delicious, if I do say so myself!! Not bad for a first try.

Underwear That’s Fun to Wear

One of Clara’s favorite pastimes is digging through laundry baskets looking for interesting items of clothing to try on. Here she is sporting her daddy’s big, white, stretchy boxer shorts. Even with the britches on the wrong end she still manages a chic, stylish look. Don’t you think?

Originally uploaded by abroadermark.

Bubble Beards

Originally uploaded by abroadermark.

Adorable Mamie

Mamie to Old Woman during breakfast yesterday morning:

“Mommy, can I please have another piece of that adorable sausage you made?”

I’ve Been Thinking

You know the saying, “You don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone”? There’s certainly more than a little truth to it, isn’t there? I suppose we’ve all had the experience of missing something (or someone) we took for granted once it (he or she) was gone. I was thinking about it on my way home from my outing with Oma (name changed to protect the innocent) tonight, and it occured to me that there are also times we when don’t know what we haven’t got until it (or he or she) is gone. That’s where I am right now. I recently discovered, by giving away something I thought I had, that I never actually had it to begin with. But where recognizing the value of something we once had, but have lost, is cause for grief, recognizing the worthlessness of something we once had, but have lost, is cause for relief. It’s like the difference between losing your wedding ring and losing the contents of your garbage can. It feels awful to lose something which is precious to us, and wonderful to get rid of the trash. It’s just that sometimes we can’t tell the precious valuables from the worthless garbage until we don’t have them anymore. I, personally, needed to get rid of what I had fooled myself into believing was valuable in order to see that it was, in fact, worthless. It’s true – you sometimes don’t know what you haven’t got ’til it’s gone. At least, that’s how it is for this silly girl, anyway.

Old Woman On Feelings

Oh my goodness! Is this “Misunderstand Old Woman Day”, or what?! Again, my words have been taken in a way in which I never meant for them to be taken. I would now like to offer a little clarification on the matter in question.

I DO NOT believe that people should ignore their feelings, keep them to themselves, hide them, suppress them, pretend they don’t have them or anything like that. I do believe that there is a time and a place for expressing our feelings, but I absolutely DO NOT think we should deny them. I don’t believe there is anything wrong with identifying our feelings, examining them, or appropriately expressing them. I think it’s very good, very helpful, to be able to do these things. And I think that most people do it naturally, without putting much thought into it. But then, for most people feelings follow fact. Most people’s feelings are based on fact, on what is real. There are some people, though, who unconsciously allow their feelings to create their realities, people for whom facts follow feelings. Here is an excerpt from a book I’ve been reading entitled, Stop Walking on Eggshells which was written for people who care about someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder. Apparently, many people with this disorder are masters at creating fact from feelings.

Feelings Create Fact

In general, emotionally healthy people base their feelings on facts. If your dad came home drunk every night (fact) you might feel worried or concerned (feeling). If your boss complimented you on a project (fact) you would feel proud and happy (feeling).

People with BPD, however, may do the opposite. When their feelings don’t fit the facts, they may unconciously revise the facts to fit their feelings. This may be one reason why their perception of events is so different from yours.

Let’s look at Minuet (BP) and her husband Will. One Friday afternoon, Will calls his wife to say he’ll be home late because he’s having a beer with the guys after work. Minuet feels anxious, rejected, and jealous. Minuet’s emotions are confusing and overwhelming to her. In order to make sense of them, she concludes that Will must be doing something to bring them on. She might accuse Will of having a drinking problem. She might tell him that he’s a terrible person for wanting to be with friends instead of her after a hard work week. She unconsciously revises the facts so that her feelings make sense.

I must admit that such a seemingly illogical way of thinking is difficult for me to comprehend. It’s even harder to understand when you’re at the receiving end of the strange, and twisted logic. To attempt to communicate (much less have a meaningful relationship) with someone whose reality is created, not by fact, but, by whatever feelings she is experiencing at any given moment, is confusing and frustrating at best, and a recipe for insanity at worst.

Yes, I’m all for feeling our feelings, experiencing them, “owning” them, wallowing in them, even. I believe expressing what we feel is usually a good thing – I do it on a regular basis, as a matter of fact. That’s what this blog is about, that’s what my songs are about, that’s what my love of conversation is about. It’s living in a world created by someone else’s ever changing feelings, a world that denies logic and cold hard fact, that I find hard to tolerate.

And that, my friends, is that.

Old Woman On Apology

Hmm…it seems that someone out there believes that I don’t think it’s necessary to apologize for unintentional harm done to another. I was kindly reminded by that someone that, “Under the law, effect carries weight as well as intent.” I would like to publicly state that I, Old Woman, wholeheartedly believe that it is always good, and right, and very noble to apologize for our trespasses (intentionally commited, or not) against others. I don’t know much about what the law says, but I don’t doubt that, legally, effect carries weight as well as intent. After all, since we can never really know another’s intent, effect is all we have to go on. It’s the only measurable piece of the puzzle. But, of course, we’re talking the law of man here, man’s rules, man’s judgement – imperfect and often self serving . When it comes to God’s law, I think that, perhaps, intent is all that really matters, but I digress.

Yes, of course, when we hurt another, accidentally or on purpose, we should apologize. We should express the regret we (hopefully) feel at causing, or contributing to, another’s pain. We should avoid repeating the offense. This is what I believe, what I teach my children, and what I try to live.

I think that, maybe, what that certain someone was referring to was my unwillingness to admit to a crime I didn’t commit, to take responsibility for another’s misperceptions, and to accept culpability for another’s feelings. It is possible to offer a sincere apology (which, according to the dictionary, is: 1. a written or spoken expression of one’s regret, remorse, or sorrow for having insulted, failed, injured, or wronged another) without doing any of those things. I’m sure we’ve all done so many times. Truthfully, it is all one can honestly offer in cases where there was no negligence, or intent to cause injury. Anything else would be a lie, wouldn’t it?