Lily’s Sweet Music

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I wish you could hear what I was hearing when I took this picture! Such beautiful music! Lily is becoming quite the pianist.

Ethan Finally Got A Haircut!!

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Ahh…much better!

Sisters

Originally uploaded by abroadermark.

Every time I turn around Tess is lugging around Clara, who is literally half her weight. Right before I took this picture I told Tess I was afraid she was going to drop the baby. Her reply was, “Mama, I’m eight and a half years old now and that’s definitely old enough to carry a baby!” You know, I think she’s right.

Today’s Pleasures

Waking this morning to a quiet house.
Money to pay bills.
Sweaty little boy heads.
Chatting with a friend.
Henry’s drawings.
A peaceful afternoon.
Lily’s piano playing.
A cute new outfit for Clara’s birthday.
Witnessing my children’s love for one another.
Finding the perfect swim suit for Lily.
Singing with my kids.
Ethan’s haircut.
My husband’s sweet caress.
Knowing that I’m loved.
Home.

Will the Shoe Children Go To School?

Will the Shoe children go to school this Fall? Should they go to school this Fall – or ever, for that matter? Is it the best thing for them? Is it the best thing for me? Would it be good for our family? These are the questions we’ve been pondering over the past week. After 9 years of homeschooling the idea of sending my children off to school feels a little like selling out, and a lot like failure.

Old Man says he thinks I may be confusing the idea of failure with the emotions that come with any kind of loss. He’s probably right. I can see that sending my kids to school would be a great loss – on many levels, and in many ways. Yes, it’s most likely loss that I’m feeling – loss of a certain amount of control, loss of identity, loss of the opportunity to ever accomplish those lofty homeschooling goals of mine. We’d lose the ability to determine our own schedule, to pick and chose our children’s playmates, and to decide who their teachers would be. We’d lose cozy winter morning read aloud time, and middle of the week camping trips. We’d lose about 35 hours a week of opportunity for hugs, kisses, and cuddles. We would, without a doubt, lose many of the things that make the Shoe family who we are. In a sense we would lose our identity. But I can see the possibility for gain too.

The loss of a bit of control over my children’s education is also a loss of some of the responsibility for it, and to this weary mother that could be considered quite a gain. Along with the loss of the chance to accomplish those lofty goals of mine would come a loss of the guilt that accompanies my continuous failure to meet them – and that would be a definite gain. Following the school’s schedule would equal accountability for the Shoes, and I dare say we could use some of that. A loss of control over certain aspects of our lives would be a lesson in humility – another gain. Perhaps those missing 35 hours a week of hugs, and kisses, and cuddles would help us appreciate them all the more when we made up for lost time during evenings and weekends. Maybe a weekly 35 hours of respite from the noise, and confusion, and unrelenting needs of my children would help me be a sweeter, calmer, more loving and giving mother when we were together. If my children went to school we’d begin to do new things and they would also serve to make the Shoes who we are. We wouldn’t lose our identity, would we? We’d only add a new dimension to it.

I do wish there was only one right answer and that if I tried hard enough I could find it, but like anything else in life that’s just not the case. I suppose that whatever we choose will be right and wrong in its own way.

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers, my friends, as we go through this very difficult process of discerning what is best for our family. God knows how much I love my children and I trust that He will lead us to the exact place we’re meant to be.